Early to bed

It’s been a while since I’ve gone to bed this early. It’s only 10 pm and already I’m lying tucked up in bed writing this post.

My first day without dope! It was ok. I definitely felt the urge a couple of times today but it went away again. I think cannabis is much more of a mental addiction than an a physical one. I have managed to stop before. For example when going on holiday. It would usually be two weeks at a time and when we got back, I always promised myself that I wasn’t going to start again. But within a few hours of being home I’d snuck off to the hash club or found my stash from before the holidays.

But this time it’s for real. I could very easily just walk down the street and pick up for kr. 100,- but I’m not going to. I have made a choice and I’ve chosen to have a life!

I thought I’d talk about consumption in this post. As in quite how much I smoke. Almost without fail I will smoke a joint every night. Maybe two if we’ve finished early and I’m not ready to go to bed yet. But there are days when I smoke during daylight hours as well. Sometimes right after I get up. There are days when I don’t feel like I can go to work without a good morning spliff.  I used to do this when I was studying. A spliff early in the morning, so that I can just sit in lectures and chill. However, I stopped once the restaurant opened. But about three months ago I started doing this before going to work as well. Mainly so that I could tolerate being around my business partner. Probably about half the days in a week I would smoke one @ 9, one @ 15 and then another one or two after 22.

I only ever smoke joints. No pipes, no bongs or other weird and wonderful contraptions. My joints are usually quite weak. Just enough for me to have a taste, get a little buzz, relax and not have to think about all the things that worry me. But that doesn’t make it alright. Escaping into your own little world cuts you off from the people around you. No wonder my ex thinks I didn’t pay her enough attention. Fucking drugs!

The first day

Hi, my name is Junkie and today is the first day of my new life.

My relationship of 8 years ended yesterday evening. A beautiful Danish girl with a smile that could light up a room. It’s a hell of a long time 8 years. I even asked her to marry me. She said yes. I thought all was good but apparently not.

That’s not the only thing that ended today. I have a confession to make. I am a junkie, an addict. For the last 15 years of my life I have smoked marijuana. But today that ends. I have wanted to stop for years, but I never had the guts. Now I have found the guts and from today I will no longer be addicted to cannabis. It will no longer rule me and I will not be a slave to it. Never again will I buy hash, grass, weed, pot, papers or pipes.

Whew, I really needed to get that off my chest. 

Hopefully this journal will help me get over my girl and beat my addiction. I intend to write every day but for today I think I’ve revealed enough.

See you tomorrow.